I’m totally willing to be that superficial asshole.

Yeah, yeah, everyone else is watching the Haiti telethon. I’m finishing a BluRay double feature that included Inglourious Basterds and District 9.

Dear Peter Jackson,

I’m sure that combining Kafka, mid-east war policy criticism, robot tech and Bad Boys sounded like a good idea. Hell, when I put it like that, it sounds like a good idea to ME- but REALLY. Couldn’t you have made it SUCK LESS? Because I swear to Brutus that this fucking movie wasted a full hour of my life before your plot even started to happen and then when it happened it was so predictable that it hurt. Seriously. Chock full of suck. I feel like you should pay me for the time I wasted on this movie.

No love,
Me

Dear Quentin Tarantino,

I’m super glad that you’re in love with yourself because you need all the self-esteem you can get after Inglourious Basterds. It was like Moulin Rouge meets The Dirty Dozen but less funny and less good. The best part of the film was Shosanna and she was seriously in all of about 15 minutes of the damn thing. When even MY HUSBAND doesn’t give a shit about your characters an hour in, you’re doing something wrong. Like taking yourself too seriously. Please to be back at the drawingboard and huffing less of your I’m-a-Misunderstood-Genius-Juice. Come back with something more like From Dusk til Dawn and then show it for free to make it up to all of us assholes who rented this crap.

No love,
Me

I honestly never thought anything would make me WANT to watch that Haiti telethon but these films really make me wish I’d watched that instead. Feh.