The Crap Celebrity Edition

I love Heidi Klum. I would normally not go out on that particular limb, but the fact that she comes from a naked family AND TALKS ABOUT IT is amazing. My parents, also not hippies, had no shame about their bodies and it’s nice to know that I’m not the only freakshow out there.

Dear Russell Crowe, Please learn the meaning of “metaphor” before talking about it. You’ll sound less dumb, I promise. For example, Gladiator wasn’t a “metaphor for death, and possibly vengeance.” It was a movie that was LITERALLY ABOUT VENGEANCE AND DEATH. Your mole freaks me out sometimes, you seem a little crazy, but I usually like your movies. Quit TALKING about them and trying to RUIN it for me. Love, Yg

Anna Paquin comes out as bisexual in defense of GLBT rights and CRASHES the website. LOVE HER. We should all be for equality anyhow but I’m sick of hearing straights (AND GAYS) claim that bisexuality doesn’t exist. It’s especially great that she’s in a committed relationship with someone because being engaged/married/committed doesn’t mean you’re LESS bisexual, it just means you’ve chosen to have a relationship with the luckiest person EVAR.

Sherlock Holmes. You have no idea how close this entry came to being called “No shit, Sherlock.” I loved it. Funniest fight scenes ever, while still being great fight scenes. Possibly the best role Jude Law has ever played. Irene Adler still kicks the most ass. All that and they managed to honor the tradition of Holmes not filling you in until the end of the book without making the film suck. I REALLY want to see Iron Man 2.

We rented Precious and Sorority Row. I’m not sure which we should watch first, though we probably won’t play Shane’s (awesome) drinking game. I maintain the only thing WRONG with his drinking game is that people haven’t reached the level of cynicism and/or pessimism about child abuse as they have with international natural disasters. Therefore Haiti Telethon drinking game = funny with a side of going to hell, Precious drinking game = OUCH, OUCH, THE FLAMES THEY BURN.

Jennifer’s Body was pretty fantastic. I love that it’s a girl movie – like Whip It but if your best friend wanted to kill/torture you instead of covering for you at the Oink Joint. Amanda Seyfried is GREAT.

The Princess and the Frog is growing on me. I love the soundtrack and I’ve watched the movie twice. It will probably never have the nostalgia of The Little Mermaid for me (I can probably recite the film BY HEART despite it being my favorite AND most hated Disney film) but it’s really good.

My rant about The Little Mermaid can take on its own entry. Seriously.

Surrogates was SURPRISINGLY good. I’m always willing to give Bruce a little leeway since I’m his number one fan (in a non-creepy, NON-MISERY, not even sending fan-tweets kind of way) but it managed to be a seriously decent murder mystery/action flick with some social commentary. Possibly my favorite kind of film.

I’m WAY over hearing about the sex lives of Tiger Woods and Jesse James. I think it’s a terrible thing to have attained enough fame to lose your privacy and have all of the details of your private life to become public fodder. If you like reading about the destruction of someone’s personal life, I’d argue that you’re not all that happy with your OWN life. Find something besides other people’s self-destruction to make you feel better.

In celebration of our Zombie Lord, we’ll be watching Sorority Row and eating steak and twice baked potatoes. I’m also going to make Deviled Eggs (which may seem appropriate – heh) for the Spouse even though I can’t stand them.