Rizzoli & Isles – UGH, I mean WTF.

It’s a great premise. Really. Buddy-chicks solving crime. I’m TOTALLY DOWN for it. BUT.

This pilot was a hot mess.

It started out with a nicely ominous montage of a crime. And then went downhill rapidly.

P.S. WTF is it with every show set in Boston needing to have some vaguely Irish music for its theme. I mean really.

Right off the bat we get the nosy family and I’M A TOMBOY WHICH MEANS I DON’T KNOW HOW TO ACT AROUND PEOPLE. Grr. Don’t love it but I can live with it. Then the puking homicide detective. Really? He wouldn’t have known dead bodies make him puke before the promotion? And they would promote him anyhow? WTF.

Then we get the creepy dude who’s always the creepy dude and it’s a dead ripoff of Silence of the Lamb so can we PLEASE STOP DOING THIS, what with Jodie Foster and Anthony Hopkins having pretty much KILLED IT? You won’t do it as well. Please stop trying. Also, WTF with giving the guy EXACTLY what he wanted? And her dude partner having to stick up for her all the time? I mean, what kind of shitty tomboy IS SHE.

Oh, she’s the kind of shitty tomboy who’s a TOTAL CUNT to her mother. WTF was THAT?!

Meet our quirky and interesting Coroner who is very quirky and interesting! She doesn’t wear jeans! She has a turtle! She’s quirky! And interesting! Feh.

Of course there’s a guy so BOTH female leads must be interested because penis = attraction. Seriously, people. WTF.

Then she’s the dumbest cop ever. WTF. Leaves the car, running through the woods yelling, apologizes for DOING HER JOB and tackling what should have been the bad guy. Dear guy cop, if you don’t want to get tackled you should tell the other cops that YOU’RE IN THE FUCKING WOODS. Suck it. I’m actually totally annoyed that she was all sissy about having done it and then APOLOGIZED. IT WAS HIS FAULT. YOU ARE THE WORST TOMBOY EVAR.

Also, the tantrums. Because seriously, this female cop who needs to be better than all the guys because she is the only girl was seriously throwing TANTRUMS about people not telling her stuff. Stomping her feet even. And then when they finally tell her, she whips out some bullshit “this isn’t in the report but I know it because I’m so much smarter” crack the case crap. WTF. WHY WOULD THAT NOT BE IN THE REPORT.

The van. I’m not even sure what to say about getting in the van other than, really WTF.

And the finale – let’s not forget that – where she TURNS HER BACK on the twitchy bad guy to cut herself free rather than SHOOT THE FUCKER because he’s twitching. Really? I mean, WHAT THE BLUE FUCK. I’m pretty sure that if someone tortured and almost killed me and then tried another shot at it and I’ve got a gun, I’m capping his ass before I worry about the duct tape. For reals.

I get that they were trying to be all ‘establish character’ shit but MAN was I disappointed in the ENTIRE SHOW. Spouse actually said “We don’t have to watch this anymore do we?”

I’m willing to give it two more episodes but DUDE. CHOCK full of SUCK.